TVD: Why Elena Had to Date Stefan First

Stefan was the support she needed to help her through but now...

                I'm a Delena fan at heart but even I know that Elena and Damon shouldn't have gotten together early. It was best that they got together later when they did. I doubt Damon and Elena's love would reached epic proportions if they had gotten together in Season 3. Here's why I think Stefan was a better first choice.

High School Sweet Hearts

           Stefan met Elena when she was going through an emotional crisis. Her parents had just died and she broke up with Matt because she didn't feel they shared the same dreams. Elena had more of hunger for adventure while Matt was a small town boy with small time dreams. She didn't feel she could open up her feelings to Matt and even her parents' death drove a wedge between them. Then came Stefan. He saved her life. Stefan was empathetic, supportive, basically a handsome, muscular shoulder to cry on. Stefan had suffered his share of family deaths (he killed his father for one) so of course he could understand what she was going through at the time. Even when Stefan revealed himself to be a vampire, after a while Elena loved him more. Damon once said that Elena had a desire to have an epic romance; experience an all consuming passion. So being in love with a vampire was about as epic as Elena was going to get. Stefan tried to dissuade Elena from being with him but she wouldn't hear it.

Um I'm gonna throw up now... Not because of you though!

          Okay, I know Elena seemed like that perfect, ivory tower girl that you see in fairytales but Elena had her flaws. For one thing she's a martyr. Always sacrificing herself for her friends without even trying to find another way. She just jumps into that fire. Damon called her on it and would always stand in her way. Stefan would too but he was supportive enough of Elena that he allowed her to make her own decisions after he talked her off a ledge of course. Stefan never lashed out or got into trouble when he didn't get his way. Stefan possessed more self control and again his empathy allowed him to give reasonable arguments that led to common ground. Stefan also is willing to humble himself to satisfy Elena. Elena made a deal with Elijah on how to deal with Klaus in Season 2 and all Elijah was asking for was an apology from the Salvatores. Stefan apologized but Damon told them all to go to hell. 

We don't see eye to eye anymore

          But then Stefan went away with Klaus. Time apart made the heart grow fonder but it also caused some rough spots for Stefan and Elena. She was used to seeing him at his best but after being around Klaus, Stefan was at his absolute worst. It really tested them and they barely passed but Elena's experience with dealing with Damon's evil ways gave her some perspective and the strength to deal with it. Yet I feel that once Stefan had left Mystic Falls Stelena was over. Then Elena became a vampire. She seemed to change over night. Stefan didn't like the girl or woman that Elena was becoming. She grew a little darker. Being a vampire magnified Elena's desires and gave her perspective as to what she wanted and who she wanted to be. 

Damon knows how to let loose and have fun!

           Stefan's attempts at controlling Elena and stopping her from growing spiritually and emotionally just put the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. Where Damon was once the out of control, sadistic bad boy, he became the perfect person for Elena to be with after high school. He had a worldliness and allowed Elena to explore her wild, dark side. Stefan was great but he was kind of a self hating vampire. Damon had no shame in who he was and that sort of freedom to express your true nature and enjoy new experiences was what Elena needed to ease her through her transition. Damon did screw up in one thing though. Where as Stefan was correct in that one has to deal with your problems, Damon went with the old "flip the switch" theory which never really worked out. That only turned Elena into the worst version of herself, but I admit that she needed to cross lines in order to know where they were. 

Awww I wish I boyfriend like Damon in college,
just without the serial killer bit

             The point I'm trying to make is that Elena's tango with the Salvatore Brothers was what she needed to grow. Both romances served as a challenge and catalyst for her to discover what she wanted and served her needs at the time. Stefan was the boy Elena needed in high school during her emotional crisis of losing her parents. Stefan was supportive, empathetic, a safe haven for Elena to go and work through her issues. He was in fact a safe person, no risk kind of guy and they worked through their problems with healthy debate. But Damon was the man Elena needed after high school. He challenged her which forced her to go through emotional and mental changes. Damon was supportive for Elena when she was going through her vampire stage. He was fun, showed that with risk came reward, and that you should never be ashamed of who you are. He gave Elena a chance to explore and have new experiences. That's what you need after high school in order to grow up. In High School it's all about hiding, feeling isolated while in college it's all about letting loose and finally breaking out of your shell. Sure Elena with Damon made her okay with things he was doing that are not okay but every relationship has some bad quality. All that's important is that Elena has broken away from that isolated, moody teenager into a mature woman.

Are they really meant to be? We'll see come October!