Monday, November 25, 2013

Why I Hate Twilight


    
           I don't want to rip on Stephanie Meyer and make her feel bad about her work. She's lucky that so many people love her books and while I thought the books were well-written (I only read the first one, that's all the patience I had for it) seeing them played out on the big screen was more than I could bear. What don't I like about the series? I'll tell you.

          First off: The over all heroine of the story, Bella, comes off as a whiney teenager. Yes, whiney teenagers are the bread and butter of young adult novels but eventually they stop being whiney teenagers. I just didn't feel emotionally invested in her as you should be when reading about a heroine. It may have been Kirsten Stewarts horrible acting skills but I like to think it's mostly because Bella is that annoying girl in high school with so much angst that I'm surprised there weren't scenes where she would cut herself with a razor every night; and also she should see some psychiatrist to give her some anti-depressants because that girl is suicidal and needs some happy pills. Bella spent most of book 2 trying to kill herself all to see her pasty ex-boyfriend while there was this totally hot (literally) muscular guy who's totally into her but she's into a guy who's as cold as ice and looks constipated. Also… Bella seems to me a shitty friend. Pardon my language but that's what I took away from Bella's interactions with her friends. Honestly I would have called her on her bull crap and dumped her ass or at least tell her to see a doctor or read the news. Children are dying of hunger in Africa and you feel like your world is ending if you can't spend eternity with your boyfriend. WEAK! 

         Second: The vampires… do I really need to say it? I'm all for creativity but some traditions should never be broken. If Edward is sparkling then he's a fairy not a vampire. Making vampires emo kids is not at all appealing in a vampire story. In European lore, vampires can walk in sunlight but in North American lore they burn in the sun. Either of those traits are fine as it gives vampires a weakness and allows for subtle yet higher stakes in the story. These Twilight vampires don't feel like real vampires to me. They seem too powerful. I mean… why don't they just take over the world? It's not like they have that many weaknesses. It's a lack of detail to your monster characters that makes the story less interesting.

          Third: The romance between Edward and Bella was… unrealistic. Real teenagers want to have sex. Their hormones are going crazy and they seek ways to satisfy them, which is in fact a healthy expression of love. Edward might as well have a purity ring on his finger. If my kids were watching this I'd make sure to tell them that this is NOT a healthy relationship. I prefer they watch The Vampire Diaries at least to see how real people act in relationships: romantic or otherwise. Edward and Bella's longing looks just seem creepy and I wanna gag every time I see a commercial featuring them. For god sakes kiss already to relieve the tension so I can get on with my day. Bella should have tried dating Jake for a while so she can find out what she really wants. Oh and Bella's parents? No wonder their daughter is so screwed up. Mom is too busy with her new boyfriend but the father should be a little more involved in his daughter's life. He doesn't stop her from getting married at 18? What the hell? I would said, "Can you wait until after college when you've seen what the world has to offer? Then decided if you want to get married or not?" At least that's what a parent who loves their daughter would do...

         Fourth: The baby? Really? The Originals are having a Wolf-Vampire Hybrid Baby and I find THAT makes more sense than a half-human half-vampire baby. Renesme? Reneesme? I don't even know. Stephanie Meyer said she wanted a unique name… Look up names from the Middle East or something. They have a lot of unique, pretty girl names. The imprinting thing Jake did with the baby was kinda creepy too. President Grover Cleveland did the same thing I believe when he met his future wife at a baby shower: she was the baby. He became her guardian after her father died then when she was legal they got married. Gross. Underworld vampires could reproduce but it's because they were seen more as a form of human evolution. I accept that more than I'm willing to accept the vampire baby killing you while it's in your womb. 

           Fifth: The over all movies were done badly. Very badly. I have friends in the movie industry and they say from a director's point of view it was awful. So many inconsistencies and scenes that were cut together but had no continuity were just sloppy. If Spielberg was directing the film he would never have allowed such carelessness. I'm not saying Spielberg is the best director of all time but he's a professional. The editing was a hack job and by extension a joke. It's like they were in a hurry and didn't care about the project. The whole picture had a conflicting setting. All that gloom and grey clouds gave me an Emo feeling. Then there were all the white people. I mean really white people. It wasn't just the Cullens but every white person in Forks was in need of a tan. The only color were the Native Americans who seemed more life-like in comparison to all the residents of Forks. I just felt depressed watching the whole movie. Usually with dark films you get a sense of horror. Yeah I got that and by that I mean a horror that I just wasted my time and money watching this film. 

            Well that's how I feel. Twilight kinda ruined the vampire genre for me until The Vampire Diaries came along and that renewed my faith in humanity a little bit. Again this is no disrespect to Stephanie Meyer. I wish they took a different approach to the movie or at least kept it a book.

           

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