Personally I think adoption should be more of an option in the case of infertility. So many kids are without families already, but that's not my opinion. What I want to discuss is the problem with donors who want to be anonymous. Although we as a species are very social, at the same time we can be anti-social. We like to keep some things to ourselves for the sake of being independent or for the sake of preventing someone from stealing our identities for credit card fraud. In sperm banks in the United States, a sperm donor may remain anonymous if they wish. That should change.
Children born out of a sperm donation grow up with a hole. They feel a piece missing in their genealogy and feel lost. All children are curious about their origins. As humans we still wonder about our race's beginnings; we even used to believe that we were created by some powerful god or gods. It all sounds mystical and magical, doesn't it? We all want to know where we come from. We still don't know that much about our DNA. Parents who used sperm banks however are on the fence about telling their child about their origins. It's a fear that the child will love their biological father more than the parents who raised them (blood is thicker than water, right?). That couldn't be further from the truth. Children grow up and want to discover who they are and part of that is finding out about their genealogical origins. The child seeks nothing from the sperm donor except knowledge about their family tree.
Also it would be interesting to know if they have any half-siblings out there. Mostly it's to avoid falling in love by accident with said sibling. That's my greatest fear as well. In England there was a man who donated sperm and ended up with over 1000 children. That's 999 people you can't date or people your children should avoid sleeping with your half-siblings' children. We all know what happens when humans interbreed so it's best to avoid such awkward situations.
The anonymous donor sometimes doesn't want people to know he donated. He was a college kid, broke and needed money. Others have families and the thought of leaving estate to one's offspring could come into question. A man who has no heirs will pass to the next family member, but his child from sperm donation could make a claim to the inheritance. Which brings into question our idea of family.
Does blood mean you're connected? Yes, but blood can only go so far. A father ashamed of his infertility could feel threatened by the sperm donor. Every parent fears that hurtful statement "You're not my father!". What family is to me is it's the people who take you in, who shelter you, they help you when in need, and love you unconditionally. The man who raises you is your father. The sperm donor could never be more than a family acquaintance or an uncle. Some sperm donors even have relationships with their sperm kids. Some men are gay and felt that they should at least pass on their genes. Among lesbian couples who have used sperm donations they feel very comfortable with their children seeking out their biological father and some even have open relationships with said father.
What we need to do is get rid of the shame of donating sperm or just our insecurity. You're helping someone start a family. Parents should also consider the child's feelings. Trust that your child loves you and won't seek to replace you with someone who the only thing they have in common are their genes. The only thing a child has with his sperm donor is that they share blood. We put too much stock in the importance of blood bonds sometimes. It's important to know our genealogical origins in order to discover who we are as individuals and find our place in this chaotic world. The world's one giant ocean and your identity is your boat. If you don't have all the timber then you'll struggle and you may sink.
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