If you watch Animal Planet you'll discover that very few animals mate for life. Some wolves mate for life while other wolves have a harem. Swans are thought to mate for life as some people would often see two together. Animals go on instinct to populate their species in order to survive, but Man is an entirely different animal altogether. The only thing that really separates us from animals is not our clothes and our ability to speak, it's our morality.
As a child of divorced parents, I fail to see the appeal of marriage. As a society that worships extravagance especially in America, we see whole magazines dedicated to arranging weddings. Mostly it's directed at women but men participate as well. Some modern feminists have condemned such a fixation as a way to keep their gender down. I don't really care much about that. The point is we worship the idea of marriage; the idea that two people are meant to be together forever, when really that's hardly the case. I'll admit if I ever got married I would love to plan my wedding and turn it into some fairytale. Yet I find the fairytale a lot more deceiving.
About 50% of married couples get divorced in America and the number is rising. It seems those vows "For better or worse" and "til Death do us part" were meaningless. I see marriage for what it is: a contract, a merging of companies. You've heard the term "a marriage of convenience" often among politicians as well as describing Russia and the Allies during WWII in stopping the Nazis. All marriages are convenient. A married couple combines everything more or less so their bank accounts. Men and women who discover that their significant other is keeping a separate checking or savings account feel outraged. Why would you keep this from me? I would respond, Why should I have to tell you? Leading us to our next question.
Why do married couples have to share everything? I find that most married couples have a jealous streak. They just seem possessive of the other person. People think being married means merging into one person, where individuality is no longer allowed for either party. To me this plants the seed of resentment. People grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually; you never stop learning new things about yourself. Spouses often feel that their partner's would leave them behind with these new changes. Probably, but trying to stop their growth won't win you any favors. The truth is some people fall out of love with time. If you truly love someone let them discover themselves and perhaps you may re-ignite some passions in new ways.
We have a puritanical view on marriage. Marriage is a sacred institution. Right, but breaking it isn't like you broke the Arc of the Covenant. Despite all those fairytales and love ballads we grew up with, love has little to nothing to do with marriage. They're not even in the same ball park. There is a sort of partnership and some couples stay in the marriage because it's comfortable. In one case, a woman married 15 years with 2 children realizes that she's gay and tells her husband. They're still married 20 years later. Her husband was very supportive of his wife's struggle and their kids see that their parents' marriage is more stable than most. It's comfort and having someone who understands you that makes a happy long lasting marriage. Saying someone has a loveless marriage is like saying I have tomato sauce on my pizza.
Women today say they want their husbands to see their wives as not just their lovers but as their friends. Asking a bit much don't you think? You and your husband already have friends. Why do you need another? And some women feel threatened if their man is going to a strip club or a pretty woman at his work is being too flirty. Some women will react with anger and frustration, which brings us to the morality question.
Couples who have an "open marriage", which is each spouse dates other people while remaining emotionally loyal to each other, have a higher success rate than monogamous relationships. We are biologically programmed to seek sex for whatever reason if not just to procreate. A man looking at another woman's cleavage shouldn't be seen as him being unfaithful but as instinct. Couples in open relationships report being happier together. By allowing their spouse to explore other relationships, there is less stress put on the marriage. Those who are not in such liberal unions are more prone to stress about their moralities. You kind of feel forced to live a life style that doesn't allow room to breathe.
A man who sleeps with another woman and doesn't tell his wife is cheating. A woman who confides in a man not her husband all her deepest feelings then that's cheating. Recognizing that we have these sexual urges will help ease the burden of keeping secrets and having affairs. When two people commit to each other it puts a lot of pressure on the other and sometimes the thought of sleeping with just one person for the rest of their lives seems suffocating.
A history lesson if you will: Kings and Queens made alliances through marriages. The bonds of marriage were not of the loving nature but the political. A person of good breeding is seen only fit to marry someone like them and continue their bloodline. Marriage was and still is a partnership. It's two people who work together not just for their relationship but for their livelihood; to keep a roof over their heads, put food on the table. In India, most marriages are arranged by the parents. The couple barely know each other but over time they do develop some romantic feeling towards each other and they really do end up fulfilling those vows we say so freely.
There's a huge gap between the physical and the emotional. The truth is God programmed us differently. God made Woman more intelligent and more focused on emotion while He made Man more prone to want sex and make sure his genes are carried onto the next generation. It's sad but it's true. Accepting this fact may alleviate the harsh expectations we have for each other. I wish the homosexual community luck on their marriages. Now they can share in the stress and misery unique to married couples. But hey, I'm too cynical. I believe in love in all it's forms. If you make it past 10 years then you may have a chance of success.
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